Second Greatest Day of My Life
Here is a little update on what we are doing:
To the best of my knowledge Spencer is still working as an organic gardener in Santa Fe, New Mexico for the family we stayed with while there. I know for a fact Spencer knows absolutely nothing about gardening, so I have no idea why he was entrusted with this task. He often tells me he has been working on writing though I have not seen any evidence that this is in anyway true. Last time I talked to him he was cooking up a homemade batch of Ayahuasca (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayawaska) in attempt to lure me to Santa Fe and pick the road trip back up. If he is reading this I want to let him know that his attempt will be successful.
As for me I went back to work for a couple months then jumped on a plane for Australia. I am traveling around here for 4 months with my girlfriend. We have been here for a little over 2 months and it has been a really good trip. Though we've seen and done some amazing things nothing has been able to break though my laziness and get me to make a post. It took a day like yesterday to shake the dust off my keyboard and get me to return to the 3 fans of our long-dead blog (my girlfriend’s dad, the tamster, that creepy gay rapist (see New Orleans post we never made)).
"The second funniest day of my life" (keep in mind I have experienced Universal Studios Florida on Acid (story to come mid 2012))
It started like every day for the last 2 months. I woke up in the back of the 91' Ford Falcon Station I have called home since we got here. There is something about waking up in the back of a station wagon that really takes the edge off your morning. You pretty much know that you won't be doing anything too stressful/useful. I slowly rolled out of the car and went and made a Ham, Pineapple, Green Pepper and Cheese Omelets (delicious). From there I headed down to the beach where I sat and attempted to meditate for a half hour. I am pretty into the meditating lately, I am starting to think that might be an answer to a lot of the questions I am having about life. I wont bore you anymore with my personal attempts to better myself though.
That morning I had a particularly unsuccessful meditation (It really is pretty difficult to center yourself when your goddamn fantasy football team scored 41 fucking points for the 5th week in a row). As I walked up to the car my fantasy football woes quickly disappeared when I realized what day it was. It was Tuesday, October 16, 2007. This day may not mean much to most but for me it was the day I was scheduled to go on Jim's Alternative Tour to Nimbin.
Where to start? Well I guess I will let you know what I knew at the time about the tour. Jim drove a bus that took you up to the little village of Nimbin. Nimbin is a hippy village that is the only place in Australia where you can sorta legally buy marijuana and other marijuana related products. From Nimbin he makes a couple stops and then drops you off back at home. After hearing this I stopped their spiel right there and handed them 35 dollars and asked where we were going to be picked up.
At 10:00 AM a psychedelic painted bus blasting Jimi Hendrix pulled up we knew our ride had arrived. Jim happily greeted us from behind the wheel of the bus. He is around 50 years old, but was 200 times cooler than I will ever be. He looked a lot like my friend Parker if at the age of 25 Parker moved to Australia and spent the next 25 yrs of his life smoking pot, surfing, slamming tunes, and smoking pot. (which Parker should really consider doing) The full sized school bus was completely filled with 18 to 26 year old backpackers from around the world all brought together by their love of getting high. We found the last 2 open seats on the bus and sat down.
Once we hit the road you could not wipe the smile off my face. Jim not only played one of the finest drug tune mix I have come across he also was able to expertly synch it in with his commentary and the surroundings. I don't know if that really makes sense, here is an example. He took us through a really catholic village and then he told a very humorous story about how shitty catholic school was then right before we passed by the Catholic Church Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in Wall" started right at the perfect point. You may think that sounds pretty retarded, but it isn't and for thinking it is retarded you have proved that you are actually retarded. The music sample: Bob Dylan, The Doors, Pink Floyd, Jefferson Airplane, Tom Petty, Nirvana, Sublime, Chemical Brothers, Jethro Tull, and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember. Oh yea besides just the music he also mixed in a lot of cool audio clips including: The Big Lebowski,, The Simpsons, Borat, Half Baked, The Blues Brothers, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and some stand-up. He also synched up the audio with an accompanying song. Hear me out; don’t give up on me yet.
Besides just amazing tunes on the bus we also made a 10:30 AM pit stop at a pub where everyone grabbed cold beer for the ice chest on the bus. So we are all cruising through this beautiful countryside getting drunk on a bus blasting amazing music.
At around noon we pulled over outside Nimbin so Jim could give us a Nimbin tutorial. He said there are 3 questions everyone had when they got to Nimbin.
1. Why can you legally buy weed in Nimbin? 2. Where is the best place to buy weed? 3. How much should you pay for it?
He then generously gave us the answers. I will also share this knowledge with you.
1. You can't. There is no place in Australia that you can legally sell Marijuana. It is still illegal, but simply tolerated. 30 years ago a bunch of hippies had a festival outside Nimbin were they all smoked pot. The town of Nimbin was a failing dairy town that needed a pick me up so they allowed the festival. Ever since then it has been a haven for those who seek an alternative lifestyle (pot heads).
2. Everyone on the street sells it. You can't walk down the street without having 30 strange characters ask you if you want smoke.
3. He said 220 an ounce for hydro or 180 an ounce for bush, 3 cookies for 15 dollars, DO NOT EAT A WHOLE COOKIE 1⁄2 IS GOOD, or sometimes there is a lady who sells chocolate cake, it sells for 10 dollars for a small piece of chocolate cake, DO NOT EAT THE ENTIRE CAKE OR YOU WILL LEAVE THIS UNIVERSE. 1⁄4 OF A PIECE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. EVERY WEEK OR SO SOMEONE THINKS I AM JUST BEING AN OLD DORK AND THEY EAT THE ENTIRE PIECE OF CAKE AND THEN THEIR REALITY IS RIPPED APART AND WE HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM ON THE BUS.
He then told us about 5 very funny stories about things that have gone wrong in 19 years of running this tour every day. I don't really remember all the stories, but here is one I remember:
“One time a girl ate an entire piece of this magical chocolate cake and when they all got off the bus for a munchie stop she got convinced that they were all going to buy weapons so she locked them all of the bus and would not let them back on till she came down 3 hrs later. “ Possibly not true, but definitely a experience to shoot for.
After our pep talk Jim piloted our bus down the one street the town of Nimbin consists of. It was without a doubt the strangest place I had ever been in my life up to that point. The very small town consisted of a Hemp Museum, a Hemp Embassy, 12 stores that specialized in the sale of marijuana smoking devices, 5 tie-die shirt shops, 10 places to buy food, and one hardware store (I assume solely for the creation of things to smoke pot with).
As we got off the bus I immediately started my search for the woman who sold these cakes that could rip apart your universe. I was keeping my eyes peeled for the most disheveled old senile women; someone around 60 in an entire outfit of rainbow print mumbling nonsense to herself, reeking of a potent mixture of cat shit and bong resin, that was my target. Well I found around 7 of the exact women I just described, but I was informed they all only sold the cookies.
When I finally met the magic cake woman I have to admit I was a little disappointed. She was in her early 20's, wore normal clothes, and didn't even smell like shit. At first I thought I must have found the wrong cake woman, but she said she was the only one in town. I then asked her what her secret was, how much weed did she put in each cake? She told me that the secret is not how much weed, but how she prepares the butter.
I will now share her secret with you: -She boils a mixture of half butter and half water. She then adds in the ground up weed. She lets this mixture boil for 12 hours. If you only boil it for 4 hours you wont get the full effect. She said that the marijuana resin will stick to the butter and then when it cools the butter and water will separate and the butter will be ready for baking. She makes normal chocolate cake, and then makes the frosting out of nothing but the marijuana butter and a little chocolate.
I gladly bought a fine piece of her chocolate cake and my girlfriend bought 3 of her cookies. After buying our baked goods we headed out on the search of some normal weed so we would have some for later. Living in a car with me had taken my girlfriend to the limit of her sanity and she was desperately in need of anything to take the edge off.
We ended up buying a 1/4-ounce mixture of bubblegum and hydro for 75. I have no idea what that means, but the guy who sold it was very scary so I just gladly paid and left it at that. Also he came with a recommendation from Jim for being the best/creepiest guy in town to buy weed from. As soon as we had the weed in hand I set off to roll one of my world famous mini joints.
While I rolled the joint we each ate the recommended amount of our baked goods. I had 1⁄4 of a piece of cake and my girlfriend had 1⁄2 a cookie. When the joint was done we smoked er' up and went into enjoy the town before we had to get back on the bus at 2.
By the time we got back on the bus I am thoroughly fucked up, yet due to my reoccurring phobia of not getting "the full experience" I decided to try to eat the rest of my cake. Like a drunken 11 year old with cerebral palsy I attempted in vain to finish the cake as the bus bounced around. After 15 minutes I had managed to eat another 1⁄4 of the cake and had to give up because I could no longer use my hands. While I was busy mangling my cake my girlfriend decided to eat the rest of her cookie against my advice.
This is where the real adventure begins. I have no idea what the fuck I just wrote up there or why I wrote so much about it because that was all shit compared to the next few hours. Also from this point on I only had a vague notion of what was going on at the time and remember much less than that so I know I am going to forget a lot of it. Luckily I was at least cognizant enough to know this was an amazing adventure and was able to jot down a few scribbled notes that triggered some recall.
Here are a few of my very helpful notes:
“Bus crazy tune”
“So crazy corner never stopped”
“See if I can become Jim for USA”
So yea we are on the bus driving away from Nimbin. The plan is we are taking the scenic route to Jim's friend Paul's house. Paul is a "real hippy" who lives "off the land" out on “80 acres” of “tropic forest”. One of his claims of fame is that he has been high everyday for the past 29 years. Yes folks every single day.
So this is the part of the adventure where Jim's ability to Sync music to life really gets out of hand. He says that what is going to happen from here on is like a living version of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and the Wizard of Oz. (If you have ever had the pleasure to find yourself at my friends Josh’s apartment at 4 AM on a random Wednesday I am sure you can appreciate what I am talking about). Jim stops at the top of this big hill and tells us that we are about to go a roller coaster ride. He then puts on a Pink Floyd's "One of these Days" and tells us to sit back and experience the ride. Well evidentially Jim has timed this drive exactly perfect so each time we crest a hill the song hits a crescendo and certain parts of the song play exactly to what is outside. The hill was all giant drops and huge corners, which he drove as fast as the bus could possibly go. Finally, as we hit a stop sign at the bottom of the hill exactly 5 minutes and 15 seconds later, the song ended. It was fucking unbelievable. We both thought we were actually on a roller coaster as did the rest of the bus.
After the roller coaster ride he had several other synced up areas that I don't remember very well, except for the fact I thought my head was going to explode. I remember at one point he put on this really trippy song and then said we were going around the never ending corner. Low and behold the goddamn corner was damn near never ending. From my recollection we really were on the corner for approximatley 10 hrs.
After the most amazing ride of my life we finally arrived at Paul's house. This is the new undisputed champion of the strangest place I have ever been in my life contest. Paul lives absolutely in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road. His property is on 80 acres that use to be a cow pasture. Since he bought the property 29 years ago he has hand planted the entire 80 acres with thousands of tropical plants. Mind you he did all this while maintaining his 29 year Ripken-like streak of getting high every single day. Besides all the beautiful fruit trees and flowering plants he has also added his own artistic touch of throwing really creepy shit all over. Things like completely burnt baby dolls or full sized sex dolls that he has added pubic hair to. Besides his eccentric choices for decoration the place was unbelievable.
(A picture of Paul's pond house, sort of like a pool house)
Now that I have mentioned how weird Paul's place is I need to let you know that it is about 100 times less strange than Paul himself. Paul moved to Australia 29 years ago from Long Island. 29 years has not made a dent in Paul's thick Long Island accent. He talks very similar to a very stoned Woody Allen. I don't really know how old Paul is, but I assume he has to be around 60 or so. He looks like this…
(Paul, not a great photo I cut off most of his Wizard Pajama pants)
Besides the fact that he has been high every single day since 1978, I didn't really get to know that much about him sadly. I was too high to move out of the chair I sat in for most of the time at his place, so I was only able to pick up bits and pieces as I eavesdropped on his conversations with other people. Here is the first interaction I saw Paul have:
I was sitting in my chair unable to move. Paul invites everyone to go for a swim in his pond. I greatly want to go, but find that putting my bathing suit on is not going to be possible at this moment, let alone walking the 10 steps over to the pond. Paul then approaches a guy from the group and asks him what kind of working out he does to get those strong shoulders. The guy says he doesn’t workout. Paul is not buying his modesty for one moment.
"You must work out to get those big muscular shoulders"
"Nope"
"Well then you must work for a living"
"Nope"
"Well let me feel those shoulders…yea, those are too muscular you must do some shoulder work-outs."
After creeping this guy out Paul then refuses to let the guy go change in the bathroom and insists he goes and changes with Paul in "nature". Next thing I know there is a 60 year-old hippy walking around naked, never a real enjoyable sight. After a nice swim Paul eventually puts back on his wizard garb.
I am still not able to move out of my chair until Paul brings out a homegrown watermelon and cuts it up for us to enjoy. I don't even like watermelon, but I can honestly say I have never enjoyed anything as much as that watermelon. He also brought out buckets of fresh macadamia nuts that I also greatly enjoyed. The only other bits of conversation I heard was him talking about obscure science with people who had no idea what he was talking about.
After an hour of relaxing Paul invites us on a nature walk which I jump up to go on. Our nature walks consists of Paul slowly walking through his forest and then pulling down leafs for us to smell. I have no idea why he was doing this. I greatly wanted to talk to Paul about his thoughts on the world and if I could move into his house, but I was unable to put these thoughts into words.
After the nature walk we end up back at the bus and Paul asks us one final question, you want a joke or my thoughts on the world. The crowd yells out thoughts on the world and we get this speech (video to be added as soon as I can find a computer that is not a piece of shit, check back though it is definitely worth it).
After we jump on the bus the music sync is back on. We make one final stop for munchies where I buy a chocolate Carmel ice cream on Jim's advice and my taste buds explode. I also was convinced I should buy a giant pop, candy bar (which are 2 dollars here), and a giant bag of Tiziki chips, which looking back might not have been that wise of purchases. I felt better though that the entire bus seemed to follow suit.
After we all get our munchies we jump back on the bus to gorge ourselves. As we make our way for Byron Bay, or yea that is where we are staying right now. Byron Bay is the greatest place in all of Australia, maybe. Yea so we are making our way back there and Jim real life music sync takes a turn for the serious. Jim has something really important that he wants to let us know about before we leave the bus. His medium he uses to explain the message is in the form of a final 3-song music sync. What is Jim's important message he wants to share with 40 stoned backpackers? Is it something about world peace, the environment, or maybe the war in Iraq. Nope, you guessed it, it was his famous metaphysical anti-Christianity pro mind expansion manifesto. He was able to perfectly sync up his message with 3 songs, (2 of which I have sadly forgot), but ending with Tom Petty's classic "Wont back down". It was a beautiful presentation and a perfect way to leave the bus.
I have always dreamt of experiencing what it would be like being with Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters as they made their way around the US on their infamous journey. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electric_Kool_Aid_Acid_Test) * Well today I felt like I got the chance to be “on the bus”. Even if it was just for a day, it was a pretty amazing day. I hope that was halfway enjoyable to read about.
*This whole journey is documented in Tom Wolfe’s classic “The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test” which I strongly recommend.
-Corey
