Tie-Dyesaurus Rex

We woke up early to the sounds of my uncle loudly reminding us that he had a job to get to and that we were just lazy good for nothing boondogglers. He gave us directions to our next destination, Joshua Tree National Park (JTNP), and the suggestion to get on the road soon in order to avoid the rush hour traffic. We could tell by his get-the-fuck-out-my-house tone that we had once again worn out our welcome and burned yet another bridge. We quickly gathered our things and hit the road. As soon as we stepped out the door our road trippin instincts kicked back in and we chose to follow them instead of my uncle’s silly directions. These instincts lead us through a long stretch of construction sites and three rather expensive tollbooths. It was beginning to look as if, for the first time, our instincts had led us astray. Within a few minutes, however, we saw a sign for Cabazon and realized that we had chosen the correct path.

Cabazon, for the non-dinosaur-park-inclined, is home to the World’s Largest Dinosaurs. We had no problem spotting the dinos from the highway and we arrived at the park soon after. As we pulled into the parking lot we were amazed by the (as far as we could tell) larger-than-life-sized brontosaurus and T-Rex towering over our heads. Even more impressive was the fact that inside the bronto was a large gift shop filled to capacity with dino merchandise. While checking out the various dino wares we noticed several interesting items, including a coloring book showing Jesus’s interactions with Dinosaurs and a shirt that read “truckers road map” with a picture of a bible and a semi. We soon came to the realization that this was not your everyday dinosaur gift shop. We were instantly drawn to the tv in the back which was displaying an extremely interesting lecture about dinosaurs and the Bible. The Krazy-Bone look-alike behind the counter noticed our interest and handed us two copies of the DVD we were watching. We got out our wallets, prepared to shell out whatever the asking price was, but were shocked to discover that they were free. Spencer felt so indebted to the gift shop that he purchased an overpriced but sweet Dino Park shirt. Little did we know that the DVD would completely change our views on Jesus, Dinosaurs and Jesusaurs (more on that later).




With our dinosaur needs fully met we left Cabazon and headed towards JTNP. We got there in about an hour and after a brief stop at the Ranger station for a map we began our search for a campsite. The first two campgrounds in the park were full (of faggots) which was of no consequence to us because we already had our sights set on the Jumbo Rocks Campground (only half-full of faggots and, true to its name, surrounded by oversized rocks). An unnecessarily meticulous search led us to campsite #26, which for the next 3 days would be home to the notoriously mischievous 26-Mafia. The mafia wasted no time before pulling their first, and only, remotely successful prank. An elaborately falsified note reading “campsite taken” was placed on the adjacent campsite, #25, rendering the site untakeable by other campers and giving the 26-mafia free reign over the entire corridor. With our surroundings secure we immediately got to work setting up camp. Right as we finished putting the rain covers on our tents we were hit by a dessert monsoon of biblical proportions. We spent the next two hours sitting in my car exhausting our supply of both weed and plain flour tortillas. After smoking nearly ¾ of a comically small joint we were in the right mindset to figure out once and for all the truth about Jesus and the Dinosaurs. No words can accurately describe the experience so please just do yourselves a favor by getting high and watching this video. Sit back and watch while a true master of debate tears your reality apart.

(It’s 2 ½ hrs long so make sure you have enough weed)



To learn more, visit www.drdino.com.

If you watched the entire video and still believe in that evolution nonsense than you my friend are the idiot. You are the same idiot that look over Grand Canyon and think Grand Canyon weren’t made by Jesus riding on the back of a big ol’ dinosaur.

The rain let up soon after, but we were unable to pull ourselves away from Hovind’s mind-blowing lecture. We finally ended up stumbling into our freezing cold wet tents around one in the morning.

The next morning we were planning to just hike around and enjoy the weather but the surreal landscape of JTNP inspired us to take our first step towards a not so distant future of hanging out in Richard’s basement wearing tie-dye sweat suits and attempting to sync up our kaleidoscopes to the sweet sounds of Jefferson Airplane. Yep, we tuned in, turned on and dropped out. Yes sir, we followed the white rabbit all the way to wonderland. That’s right my friend, we took a one-way trip on the yellow submarine straight to the fourth dimension of mind expansion.*

We were both somewhat apprehensive about taking the plunge, due to several uncomfortable encounters with the psychedelic explorers at Bumbershoot, but once again our complete disregard for our own sanity won out. We each had 2 “hits” in the form of sugar cubes. We sat on top of an especially jumbo rock and dropped them in our mouths. The cubes quickly dissolved leaving only a horribly powerful gasoline-like aftertaste. We had reached the point of no return.

We continued hiking while waiting for the effects to kick in. As we walked, the sun broke through the clouds, partially blinding me and reminding me that I had forgotten my sunglasses. Luckily for me, this trail was apparently frequented by forgetful acidheads and right in middle of the trail was a perfect pair of vintage John Lennon shades. Right then I felt the acid starting to take effect and I knew it was going to be a great day.

Like most drugs, the negative hype surrounding acid seemed to be completely false.** I had expected an uncontrollable onslaught of crazy hallucinations while my world melted around me. Though I did experience some zany visuals, what really stood out was my complete harmony with life and my surroundings. It was actually quite a bit less “crazy” than my experience with mushrooms. While mushrooms usually give me a sense of adventure and searching, the acid left me with a complete feeling of contentment. My fears, worries, and apprehensions left me and I was just at peace with the world. The only negative side effect I noticed was that acid made both of us overconfident with regard to our rock climbing abilities. We ended up climbing up a very large shear cliff and then having no idea how to get down. After about an hour of planning out how we would live the rest of our lives on top of the cliff we ended up finding the scariest possible path down and narrowly avoided severe injuries. The rest of the time we just put on some tunes and strolled through the desert, stopping only for a much needed kaleidoscope break. One nice thing about the LSD was that the effects lasted somewhere around 6 or 7 hrs (probably due to our frequent orange consumption***).



I wish we had some crazier stories to tell, but to be honest it was just a really cool day. Though I’ve only done it once, and in a small dose, I feel I am qualified to say that LSD is a very feasible solution to society’s most pressing dilemma: boredom.

With our mind-altering journey complete, we headed back to our campsite. Much to our dismay, we discovered that some asshole family and their dogs had taken campsite #25 despite the fact that it was already occupied by a Mr. Boner McDonkeydick. The 26-Mafia did not take too kindly to this and immediately reacted the only way they know how. Within minutes, signs proclaiming the following night’s Kegger of the Century at campsite #25 were placed throughout the Jumbo Rocks Campground and the seeds were sown for yet another legendary prank. The rest of the night was spent prefunking for tomorrow’s party. During the prefunk we stumbled upon a delicious recipe for Chili Dog Tacos.****


The next morning we realized that we had severely underestimated the 25ers when we discovered they had placed multiple piles of dog shit in our pristine campsite. After several heated rounds of negotiations I was finally able to dissuade Spencer from shitting in their tents while they were sleeping. In order to calm ourselves down we headed off for a sober hike that provided few memories, but many painful sunburns. Once we got home we started getting ready for the big kegger. As the night went on we realized that somehow our plan to start a campground party wasn’t working as well as we planned. Only a couple stray guys showed up and those pieces of shit at 25 told them they were not having a party and that it must have been some sort of lame prank.***** The kegger disaster left us once again drinking Stoli Blueberry alone in our campsite. Turns out that we had underestimated the number of fags staying at the Jumbo Rocks Campsite by exactly two.

The next morning we woke up hungover and reeking of campfire smoke so we decided we better shower for the first time in three days and get over to Lake Havasu, Arizona where we would begin our endless spring break.

*In case you are a square who stumbled upon our site, we’re talking about doing acid.

**Next up we will test this theory with crystal meth, heroin, and ether.

***Spencer’s shaman friend from Peru, Medicine Wolf, advised him that citrus fruits enhance the effects of hallucinogenic drugs. Some other advice he gave Spencer was to never be without a poncho, always listen to the spirits and if you are going to try out the vampire lifestyle steer clear of sewer rats as a source of blood.

****Ingredients: 1 ½ can Hobo Chili, 1 Bar-S hotdog, 2 slice American cheese, and a flour tortilla…delicious.

*****Not true.

-Corey